The Captain Swan Playlist
by 15ekaytert887
Summary: One shots about Emma and Hook inspired by my iPod
1. Fall to Pieces

_**What could have happened after Emma gave Killian back the engagement ring.**_

 _ **Based on Avril Lavignes "Fall to Pieces"**_

 _ **Rated: G**_

* * *

Emma slammed their bedroom door as hard as she could. She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. Killian burning his own memories. He had killed her grandfather - an act that he knew had always haunted her father - and he had had no intention  
/of ever telling her about it. She was furious with him and hurt.

Emma didn't want to think about him. To think about his explanation or the look in his eyes when she had given back the ring he gave her. Because if she did she wouldn't be able to stop the tears of hurt and betrayal from coming.

But try as she might Emma couldn't stop the inevitable. She loved him. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He was her true love. He was the only one she wanted, or would ever want again. They were supposed to be together until the very  
/end. But he had lied to her. He was supposed to be the one person who would never keep things from her and yet time and time again he did. How was she supposed to marry a man who wasn't honest with her?

A voice in the back of Emma's mind tried to tell her that she was being a bit unreasonable. That she had kept plenty of secrets from him-including the fact that she was fated to die. But at this moment Emma didn't care if she was being a hypocrite.  
/Keeping things bottled inside is what she did. What Killian was supposed to do was tell her the truth. To not hide things from her. To always be on and by her side. Suddenly all the memories of every deception he had ever done to her came flooding  
/back.

Killian walking away from her in Rumplestilskins cell. Killian taking off with the magic bean. Killian not telling her when Zelina cursed his lips. Killian not telling her when Gold had his heart. Killian playing her as the Dark One. Killian not getting  
/rid of the shears and endangering Henry's life. Killian not telling her about Davids father.

But with the memories of Killians betrayals also came Emma's

Emma locking him up at the top of the beanstalk. Emma refusing to even acknowledge what was between them. Emma constantly pushing him away. Emma turning him into the Dark One against his wishes. Emma not telling him that she was fated to die.

God, they were so messed up. Emma wanted to just blame Killian but she couldn't, not when she herself was just as bad. She didn't want to loose him but how could they move on when they kept so much from one another? Emma knew the answer should be simple;  
/no more secrets, but it wasn't as easy as that. She had already decided to stop hiding things from Killian and she had thought that he had felt the same, but with this new betrayal how could she trust him again?

Once again the voice in Emma's mind told her that trust in Killian wasn't the entire issue. Don't get her wrong it was part of it but the other part of the problem was her. Emma didn't know if she could keep her promise of no more secrets and she was  
/using his indiscretion as an excuse to avoid thinking about her own. The idea of being totally open and honest with someone about things was terrifying to her. It shouldn't be, Killian was her true love, and yet it still was. Even after all this time  
/Emma was still so used to and so comfortable with having to look out for herself. Letting someone else in like that still made her feel weak at times. She had come a long way in the last few years but in truth she still had quite a ways to go.

A quiet knock on the door pulled Emma from her thoughts, she looked up in time to see Killian come into the room.

"I thought I told you to leave." Emma said angrily trying to hide the tears in her voice. She didn't want to talk to him about all of this right now. She wanted to be mad at him—no, she still was mad at him but she now was equally mad at herself as well  
/as scared for the future she had been so excited for mere hours ago. She didn't want to talk about any of it. She just wanted the jumble of thoughts in her head to stop.

"I'm not going anywhere." Killian said firmly as he walked towards where she sat on the edge of their bed. He knelt down in front of her and the pain in his face was evident.

"Emma," he began his voice a broken plea. He tried reaching for her hand but she quickly pulled away. "Love, please-" he started again.

"Don't." She cut him off harshly refusing to look at him.

"Emma I'm so sorry, please don't do this. Please talk to me." He begged. Emma looked up at him then and into the vastness of his beautiful blue eyes. The love she saw in them always brought her comfort. Although right now she could still see the love  
/in their depths she also saw anguish and fear in them as well as his own tears. Seeing him like this only made Emma's own tears begin to fall again but when Killian reached up to wipe them away Emma stopped him. Pushing his hand away and turning away  
/from him once again.

"Emma-" he begged again

"No. Don't Killian, just don't. I don't want to talk." She cut him off once again. They were silent for a few moments, the only sound was their own jagged breathing as they both tried to control their tears.

"Do you want me to leave?" Killian finally choked out between his own tears, breaking the harsh silence that had surrounded them. Emma was silent for a long time. She should want him to leave but she didn't. All she wanted was for him to hold her because  
/the only time she ever felt right with the world was in his arms.

"No." Emma finally whispered. Killian just nodded and when he wrapped his arm around her and brought her closer to lean his forehead against hers she didn't object. Just the simplest of touches from him felt to good to push away. His presence had always  
/brought her back from the edge. Back to her self when she felt like she was coming undone like she was now.

Emma knew that they needed to talk but she didn't know where to start. She had so many questions buzzing in her mind. She needed to know everything; when he had found out, why he hid it from her, if their promise of no more secrets was even ever real.  
/She also needed to tell him that it wasn't entirely his fault, that she was sorry that she had also kept so many secrets from him as well. But most of all she needed to know what all of this lying and deception (both his and hers) meant for them.  
/For the future that they had both wanted, because Emma knew that secrets and lies were not a future that she wanted for herself.

However Emma also knew to the very depths of her sole that she didn't want a life without Killian either. She didn't know if any genies, gods, or anyone else out there was currently listening and she knew that after that close call with Gideon that she  
/had no right asking for more, but she silently prayed that her and Killian found a way through this together.

But that would come later because right now all Emma wanted was to not talk about it. She just wanted to sit and stare into the eyes of the man she loved more than life itself. She wanted him to hold her as she cried and she wanted to pretend that everything  
/was going to be ok.


	2. Untouchable

_**The night after Emma and Hooks kiss in Neverland**_

 _ ****_

 _ **Inspired by Taylor Swift's "Untouchable"**_

 _ ****_

 _ **Rated: M (barely)**_

* * *

Killian tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw Emma's face burning brighter than the sun under his eyelids. The way she had looked before she had kissed him, the way her mouth had tasted, the way her lips had felt…

With a slightly strangled huff Killian forced himself back to the present. If he continued down that train of thought he was going to get himself in trouble. However he did finally admit defeat as far as sleep went so he silently raised himself from the  
forest floor, stretching out muscles as he did so trying NOT to think about the way that Emma's body had felt against his…

Killian hurriedly pushed those thoughts away again, the woman was sleeping just a few feet from where he stood. He looked over at her sleeping form and instantly regretted it. She was curled on her side in the fetal position, shivering slightly, her face  
scrunched up. All Killian wanted to do was lie down next to her and wrap his arms around her. Pull her into his chest, warm her with his body and breath in her scent. But he couldn't. He couldn't for a countess number of reasons. One of which was  
the fact that it was currently her fathers turn to keep watch and the prince would likely kill him if he discovered the pirate and Emma curled together like that. Another reason was that Emma herself would also likely kill him if he tried.

But Killian also just couldn't do NOTHING as he looked at her shivering form and so he quietly removed his jacket and ever so carefully as not to wake her draped it over her sleeping form. It wasn't much but he hoped it would help. He immediately felt  
the cooler night air on his skin but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle, and from the way Emma immediately stopped shivering, Killian would gladly endure it. He then meandered his way into the nearby thicket to find the prince.

He made his way through a few trees to a nearby clearing and was immediately met with a sword in his face.

"Oh sorry, thought you were the lost boys, or maybe pan." The prince said, lowering his sword from the Pirates face.

"No problem mate." Hook replied.

"What are you doing up?" The prince questioned him a bit skeptically. Killian had to admit that in light of the lengths he had gone to help the man today, he had been hoping for a bit more trust on the princes end and it hurt a bit to learn  
that wasn't the case. However he shoved his own disappointment down and answered him.

"Couldn't sleep and then I thought that I may as well relive you of your watch. Considering everything that happened you should really get some sleep as it is." Killian told him with a not so subtle reminder of what the pirate had done for the  
prince that day, hoping it would remind David that he COULD in fact trust him.

David looked him over and then nodded in acceptance. "Thanks, I appreciate it. I could use some shut eye. Wake me if anything happens." He said as he strolled off towards their camp. Then he turned "Hey Hook isn't it a bit chilly out here  
to be without your coat?"

Killian smirked "There was a lass who seemed to need it more." He said with a knowing wink to the prince. David glared at him but didn't make any further comment before leaving Killian alone in the clearing.

Killian sat down on a rock in the small clearing and pulled out his flask, taking a deep pull. Now that he was finally alone he let his thoughts lead back to Emma and the kiss that they had shared.

It had been unlike any other kiss Killian had ever experienced in his entire life. He hadn't been expecting her to rise to his challenge at all. He had made many suggestive remarks in the past without her so much as batting an eye. He had thought he understood  
what she had been beginning to mean to him. She was brave, bold, and beautiful. Like she had said in the diner the two of them understood each other, and the more time Killian spent with her on this cursed island the stronger he realized his  
feelings for her were. He liked her, he liked her far more than he should. It wasn't just physical attraction (although he would be lying if he said he hadn't wanted her writhing beneath him from the first moment he saw her) but it was more than that.  
He had never met a creature such as her before and he wanted to know everything about her. Wanted her to know everything about him. He hadn't felt this way in a very very long time, but at least he thought he understood his feelings and what she had  
come to mean to him. He had been so caught up in her that he hadn't realized just how deeply his emotions ran. He had never been so wrong in his life.

The moment their lips had met he had realized his mistake. He was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. He loved her. He loved her with all of his heart and soul, more than he had ever loved anything in his very long life. She was an angel,  
a siren calling him to her always. He would do anything, be anything, to make her happy. He felt his heart that had been broken and bloodied for centuries heal and grow, nearly bursting with the amount love for this breathtakingly amazing woman in  
his arms. For so long Killian's entire world had centered around one thing; his revenge but in one swift move Emma Swan had shifted his entire existence so that it now revolved around HER. The softness of her lips, the feeling of her body, her taste,  
her smell, her fiery passion…THIS must be what heaven was like and he knew that he never wanted it to end.

However just as abruptly as she had kissed him she had stopped and turned her back to him. Claiming it was a 'one time thing.' A sentiment that nearly broke Killian's newly healed heart anew.

Killian suddenly heard a rustle in the trees pulling him out of his thoughts and he quickly went to grab his sword only to be pleasantly surprised to see that it was Emma making her way into the little clearing. The two stared at one another for a long  
moment. They had clearly not expected seeing one another here and the fact that this was the first time they had been alone since the kiss not lost on either of them.

Gods, she was beautiful. Killian thought to himself. She was more brilliant than the moon and burned brighter than the sun. He actually felt his knees go weak and himself nearly coming undone at the sight of her, like he was some young lad seeing his  
first pair of breasts. However he found it within himself to control his outward appearance into one of despondent curiosity.

"What are you doing up?" He asked trying to sound casual as if he only somewhat cared about her answer. Had she woken up with his coat and come to find him? Was she here to tell him to back off? Or even better was she here to tell him it wasn't  
a One time thing? A million scenarios flashed in the Pirates mind as he waited for her to say something.

Emma's shock at seeing him had finally worn off and she crossed her arms, a fierce, almost defensive look in her eyes.

"Me? I'm next watch. What are YOU doing up?" She demanded.

Killian couldn't help himself. "Worried about me we're you Swan? Or was it that you wanted to have another 'one time thing' with a devilishly handsome pirate in the middle of the night?" He smirked cockily at her as he raised his eyebrow.

"No." Emma answered ignoring his remark. She look and sounded quite like a petulant child as she nearly stomped over to the rock where Killian had been sitting and sat herself down with a huff. "Like I said I was getting up anyway, I'm  
next watch. Where's David?" She asked not looking up at him.

"Ah, I couldn't sleep so I relieved your father of command so that he might get some rest." Killian answered her.

"Good he needs rest." Emma said so quietly Killian wasn't sure he was supposed to hear it. After a moment she held her hand out to him, her gaze still on the jungle before them. Killian was so stunned he almost grasped her hand in his own before  
he realized she was requesting his flask. He snorted and rolled his eyes at himself, trying to get himself under some semblance of control so he didn't make a bigger bloody fool of himself in front of the woman of his dreams. He handed her the flask  
and Emma took a long measured pull.

"Thanks." She mumbled, handing it back to him.

"Anytime, love." Killian said before taking a swig of his own. He had been hoping that the familiar burn of the liquid would distract him, maybe help him come to his senses a bit, but all he could taste was Emma. He sighed and stored it back  
in its holster.

Emma didn't say anything more, she just kept staring warily out into the jungle. Killian hesitated for a moment but then slowly sat down next to her. She almost sub consciously made room for him and they settled in quietly, both watching out for any kind  
of threats, both seemingly lost in their own personal thoughts.

In that long quiet moment Killian considered telling her how he felt. He wanted to. He knew that she had been aware that he had been trying to somehow reach out to her. To connect with her. To make her see him as someone other than just a pirate. He could  
tell her why he was trying so hard. That he loved her beyond all reason and measure and that he would do anything to prove himself worthy of her. But he couldn't. He couldn't tell her because if Killian had learned anything about Emma Swan these past  
months is that a confession like that would send her running as fast and as far in the opposite direction as possible. He would loose any chance of her ever being his, not that he had that much of a chance now as it was.

Emma Swan was a bloody princess. A savior. She was the accumulation of all the light in the world. She was untouchable to someone like him. A pirate. A villain. A man of darkness.

But SHE had kissed HIM. Sure, Killian had goaded her on of course, but he had done it before. It's not like he forced himself on her in anyway. Quite the opposite really. So was it too much to hope that maybe, just MAYBE, they could be together when this  
was all said and done?

"Killian…" Emma said quietly. Killian's heart suddenly began to race hearing his name on her lips instead of his dastardly moniker. It was like music. Like it had been created just for her to say it and all he wanted was to hear her say it again  
and again.

Killian turned to look at Emma, she was still avoiding his gaze, staring down at the ground. She looked rather preoccupied with the small hole she was digging in the dirt with her shoe. Killian had almost thought he had imagined her saying his name (wishful  
thinking or Neverland playing tricks on him) but then he heard "What if I don't want it to be a One time thing?"

Emma looked up at him then her green eyes full of longing and Killian felt his heart stop beating and then suddenly start up again at a rampant pace, as if it were trying to beat out of his chest.

"Emma…" he choked out "Do you…" but that was all he could get out before she was kissing him and he once again felt like he was getting a taste of heaven itself.

He hesitated, in shock, for only the briefest flashes of a second before he responded in full. Her lips were warm and welcoming against his. She tasted like sweat and dirt and smelled of jungle but Killian didn't care because all the revelations he had  
had the last time he had kissed her had only come back ten fold. He loved her. Would always love her. He would do anything to remain by her side.

Killian skimmed her lower lip with his tongue and Emma opened up with ease. Her velvety tongue warred with his for dominance and Killian had never felt more at home in his life. Emma's fingers pulled at his hair and Killian pressed her closer with his  
hook, his own hand knotting into her golden tresses, keeping her securely to him. Emma started to pull away but he chased her lips. He couldn't let her get away. Not again. He sucked and nipped reverently at her bottom lip and Emma sighed into his  
mouth.

Eventually they had to pull back for air but even then Killian refused to let Emma move and inch. He kept his body pressed to hers and breathed her in. "That was…" she trailed off.

"Swan, If you say that was just another bloody one time thing I swear-" Killian started but he was suddenly cut off again by Emma's lips crashing down on his in full force. If the last last kiss had been passionate, then this was down right  
messy. Lips, teeth, and tongues clashed together in a fight to get closer, to taste to feel. Killian lowered his head to her neck and began sucking on her pulse point, making Emma moan.

Killian felt Emma reaching for the ties on his leather breaches (which were now nearly unbearably tight) but before she was able to free him he somehow found it within himself to pull away from her and to look her in the eye.

"Emma…" he began, his voice husky "Are you sure love? I don't want-" he stuttered took a breathe and then continued "I don't want this to be another one time thing." He said, his heart nearly breaking at the very real possibility  
that this was all just physical for his Swan. A way to deal with all the stress and pressure she was under. If she was any other woman he wouldn't have stopped, he would have been glad to be used. Hell he would have been using her in return. But this  
wasn't just some random woman, this was Emma Swan, and Killian knew that his heart wouldn't be able to take it if she simply let him fuck her and then act like nothing had happened, just like she had the kiss.

Killian looked into her eyes, they were nearly black with lust and it took everything in him to wait for an answer instead of just TAKING her.

"Don't you want me?" Emma asked him, looking more than slightly rejected.

"Gods, Emma, you know I do." He answered her. How could she not see how much he wanted her? Not just in this way but in every way? "I have never wanted any woman the way that I want you." He admitted to her.

"Then take me." She said. Killian didn't need to be told twice, he claimed her mouth again, exploring it to its fullest with his tongue while Emma worked on unfastening his pants. When he felt himself being freed he moved away from her in order  
to gauge her reaction.

Emma was looking down at him with lust and hunger. She even went as far as to lick her lips. Suddenly she surged forward without prompt and took him in her mouth.

Killian's breathing picked up at the feeling of her wet warm mouth around him. She continued to stroke him with her tongue and he did everything not to thrust up into her mouth. She felt like heaven but it wasn't enough, it wasn't what he wanted,  
at least not right now. He finally brought his hand down to stop her.

"Love if you keep that up this'll be over before it starts." He said in a shaky voice. Emma immediately let him go and began working on removing her own garments. As soon as her pants were off Killian picked her up and she wrapped her legs around  
him, he staggered forward until her back was against a tree. He could feel her heat beckoning for him. Just one small maneuver on either of their parts and he would be sinking into her slick heat.

Killian looked up at Emma again. "You sure?" He asked. He needed to know. Nothing short of her telling him 'no' could stop him from burying himself in her now, but he needed to know what was going to happen when the sun came up. Was she going  
to pretend this never happened? Or was she going to give in to his love for her?

Emma looked at him with what Killian thought might be love in her eyes. "Killian," she whispered as her hand came up to stroke his cheek "I love you. You're not just a pirate, you're a man of honor. I want you. I want you to make love to  
me."

Her words made Killians heart soar. It was everything he had ever wanted to hear from her and so much more. "I love you too." He replied and then kissed her with all the love and passion he could muster as he lined himself up, and sank into  
her.

Killian woke with a start. For a minute he didn't know where he was. He had just been with Emma. He had held her in his arms. She had told him she loved and wanted him and he had told her he loved her in return. He had been about to join their bodies  
as one. He frantically looked around him. He was on the Forest floor. Swan was lying across the fire from him, her body shivering slightly from the cold. Killian saw the Queen and Princess in their respective areas and saw no sign of the Prince.

BLOODY HELL Killian cursed silently to himself as he collapsed back onto the ground. It had all been a dream. An amazing dream. But a dream that left him with a problem he couldn't exactly take care of with ladies present (even if they were asleep.) Plus  
the dream had only further ignited in him his need for Emma Swan. He wanted her here, by his side, not just to take care of the problem his erotic dream of her had caused but to just feel her calming presence. However Killian knew that his feelings  
and needs for her presence would continue to go unreciprocated by the savior. No matter his feelings, intentions, or attempts to change. Emma would never see him as anything but a pirate. She would always be untouchable to him.

Swan was as out of his reach as the distant diamond sky above him, and Killian glowered at it as if the stars were personally responsible for his current plight in life. Killian knew he needed to get his mind off Emma and his erotic dream but try as he  
might he just couldn't, so instead he kept his eyes on the night sky above him. As he stared though, the stars began to shift and realign. At first Killian thought he was simply going mad but then he heard the maniacal distant laughter of Pan and  
he knew what he was seeing was real.

Written in a million little stars was a single name

EMMA 


	3. Pushing Me Away

_**"Want to go home and see what's on Netflix?" Scene from season 4a from Killians POV**_

 _ **Like this one less than the others but I thought I may as well publish it here anyway**_

 _ **Inspired by Jonas Brother's "Pushing Me Away"(it came up on shuffle and Instantly inspired my CS ship)**_

 _ **Rated: G**_

* * *

"So crisis averted." Killian said as he made his way up to Emma. He had to admit the giant snow monster had been a bit of a surprise. He didn't know what it was about this town that attracted magical villains like the plague (himself included)

but as he had told Swan earlier there would always be a crisis, but he fully intended to live his life to the fullest during them. Especially now that he had found something to live for. And with the giant snow beast subsequently taken care for thetime  
being Killian was more than looking forward to spending some quality time with his Swan and savior.

Emma turned to him, a half relived smile on her beautiful face. "So, you wanna go home and see what's on Netflix?" she asked half heartedly. Killian felt his own heart swell at the proposal. He didn't know what this 'Netflix' business was and

he didn't care, all that mattered is that his Swan was finally (finally) asking him to join her in an activity that didn't involve helping her chase down a monster. He felt a grin spread across his face.

"I don't know what that is, but sure!" He laughed.

Emma smiled a little at his response but it didn't last. "Killian," she began hesitantly,

(Killian swore his heart beat a little faster every time she said his actual name, especially after their night in front of Granny's)

However something in her voice gave him the feeling he wasn't going to like what she was about to say. "Someone created that snowman, this isn't over." Emma finished concern now clouding her features.

Killian was right. He didn't like what she had to say. He could tell that she was worried and that she wanted to go after whoever had been behind creating that snow beast as soon as possible. However Emma wouldn't be the woman he loved more than life  
/itself if she didn't. But for right now they were not actively being attacked and Killian intended to take full advantage of that fact.

"It never is," he reminded her "all the more reason to enjoy the quiet moments. And right now…" Killian moved closer to Emma his voice lowering and his lips already tingling in anticipation of kissing her "we have a quiet moment."

He said softly, moving in closer.

However instead of reciprocating his advances Emma backed away. "I know…" she said "I just got to do something."

Emma Swan was the love of his life but she was also bloody infuriating. She was avoiding him. Pushing him away. Again. Killian knew it and he suspected she knew he knew it and it infuriated him. After what they had shared last night he had THOUGHT that  
/things had changed.

"Right. Of course, go ahead." Killian said stepping away and gesturing for her to continue to leave (to run like she always did.)

"Don't tell me you're not avoiding me anymore and I'm actually quite perceptive and this—" Killian motioned between the two of them "this is avoiding me." He finished. He was going to make her say it. If she really cared so little

about him as to avoid as she so obviously was than he was at the very least going to force her to own up to that fact in person.

Killian expected her to make a sarcastic comment and deflect. He expected her to turn and walk away from him. To run away like she always did. He expected to have to continue to chase her, like he always had and always would.

But Emma surprised him. "I know, I know," she started before he could even finish, "I am."

For a moment Killian was stunned. He hadn't believed for a second that Emma would actually admit to it and for a moment it scared him. Did she really care so little about him? But as Killian looked into her soft green eyes he saw that Emma's walls were  
/back up. He knew Emma-he had been able to read her since the day they had met- and she only put her walls up in order to protect herself. Meaning that she was trying to protect herself from HIM.

This revelation somehow only managed to make Killian feel both better and worse at the same time. If his Swan was trying to protect herself from him than that meant she FELT something for him (a fact he had already known but it was always nice to get  
/some sort of confirmation of.) However the fact that Emma still didn't trust him after everything they had shared still broke his heart. Her words from the previous week rang in his head.

"It doesn't matter now. I can't trust you anymore. How can I?"

Killian continued to look into eyes, searching for the truth that he knew she wouldn't give him. He didn't understand. He had thought that they were past this. Weren't they past this? It appears that they weren't and he felt his heart literally sink into  
/the forest floor beneath him. The other night SHE had kissed HIM and now she was avoiding him. This was just like bloody Neverland all over again. Except this time Killian had quite literally put his heart out on the line, practically offering  
/it to her on a silver platter, beforehand. He had revealed what he had done in order to get back to her. That he had traded everything. Everything that had ever meant something to him. His ship. His home. His FAMILY. All in hopes to be once again  
/reunited with the woman he loved, even knowing full well that she may never love him back.

However then she had kissed him and Killian had felt his heart once again feel whole. It wasn't anything like their kiss in Neverland. That kiss had been quick and passionate. A release of all the emotions they had been feeling since arriving to the island.  
/Fear, stress, hate, surprise, love, joy, gratitude, as well as pent up sexual frustration and attraction. Even though that kiss would always remain in Killian's mind as one of the greatest moments of his very long life the kiss they shared at Granny's  
/had been just as meaningful but in a different way.

Instead of quick and dirty it was soft and sweet. Killian had cradled her head in his hand and had run his fingers through the softness of her golden curls, reveling in the feel of her. He had known that she would be skittish so he kissed and held her  
/like she was precious treasure because she was, and she had kissed him back like she loved and trusted him. Last night Killian had thought he had felt one of her many walls finally tumbling down. But apparently the dawn of a new day had only brought  
/it back in full force and it broke his damn heart because THIS - this avoidance game she was playing - this was worse than if she had just shut him down and rejected him after telling her about the Jolly. At least then he wouldn't have had all his  
/hopes and dreams be answered just to have them once again crushed.

Killians eyes continued to search hers, pleading with her to tell him the truth.

"I just feel…" Emma said refusing to meet his gaze "well right now I just feel too guilty."

Killian thought for a moment. What on earth did his Swan have to feel guilty about? But then he remembered the original crisis they had woken up with this morning, before the snow monster attack. How he and Emma had more or less accidentally brought back  
/Robins wife from the past. A fact which was now causing turmoil in the Evil Queens love life.

"Of Regina?" Killian questioned skeptically.

"She lost someone she really cares for because of me." Emma responded quickly yet dejectedly. Killian searched her face while Emma continued her refusal to meet his gaze. Last night Emma had felt guilty sure, but it had been nothing compared

to this. She had still felt like she had done the right thing by saving Marion and had said she'd do it again. However this morning she was so wrecked with guilt over what THEY (It wasn't like Killian was blameless here either for he had helped Emma  
/bring the poor woman back) had done that she couldn't enjoy being happy with him? No. That didn't add up. Killian knew that she was lying but he didn't have a clue as to what her reasons were.

Finally he looked down at the ground and spoke "No. There's more to this than just Regina, isn't there?" He met her eyes with a challenging look. He challenged her to try and deny. To deflect. To say it wasn't true and push him away again. But

Emma met his stare full on, her green eyes impenetrably guarded. They stared each other down for a long moment until Emma leaned forward to kiss him.

Killian held his ground. He refused to be used like this. To be seduced into letting the subject go. He wouldn't. He needed answers. He needed the truth. He needed to know why his Swan was so hell bent on pushing him away with every word she said. But  
/the moment her lips met his he caved. Who was he kidding? He was putty in her hands. He loved her. He needed her. He needed the reassurance in their relationship her kiss gave him.

The kiss was chaste and brief but Killian still attempted to put as much of his own feelings for her into it. His love for Emma and a reassurance that he was there for her. Would always be there for her whether she trusted him or not.

Emma pulled back much to soon for Killian's taste but before walking away she looked at him, "Be patient." She said simply before turning and heading towards the merry men's camp.

Those two words once again ignited the flame of hope inside Killian's soul (even more than the kiss had.) His Swan was asking for his patience, implying that one day there would be a time where they would be together without her running away or pushing  
/him away.

"I have all the time in the world," he quietly called after her but with a thought he added "unless of course another monster appears and kills me." Emma turned and gave him a small smile over her shoulder as she continued to head

for Robins camp where her father was taking statements. Killian knew enough to know that that was his cue to leave. He gave a nod towards the prince as well as the thief and headed towards the docks, hoping to clear his head.

Emma was asking for his patients. Killian was a patient man. You don't live nearly 300 years with the sole pursuit of killing the Dark One without becoming an expert in being patient. Killian could and would wait forever for his Swan if he had to but  
/her comment had ignited the fire within him again. To know that there would one day be a time in which Emma would be his-that her kisses weren't just some moments of lust she had no intention of following up on—made Killian all that more desperate  
/to have her. He had been patient his entire pursuit of Emma. Constantly going at her pace and receiving emotional whiplash with her actions. But now…? Maybe now was the time he finally did some pushing of his own. He was done being patient. He wanted  
/Emma and he wanted her now, besides he had always been a bit of a selfish bastard. He was a pirate, it came with the territory.

If today's events had taught Killian anything is that his constant pursuit of Emma was not in vain. He was catching up, he was on her tail and gaining fast. He wasn't going to let her get away. Not again. She wasn't going anywhere.


	4. I Wont Say Im In Love

_**Emma goes out drinking with her friends and comes to a revelation about her relationship with Hook**_

_**Inspired by "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney'sHercules**_

* * *

"If there's a prize for rotten judgment I guess I've won that." Belle said looking gloomily into her glass before taking a sip of her beer.

"Belle, If there's a prize for rotten judgment I KNOW I've ALREADY won that." Emma said to her as she clinked her glass with Belles and downed a large swig of her own drink.

"No man is worth the aggravation." Ruby chimed in.

"Agreed." Regina said and all four women raised their glasses in a toast.

The last couple of weeks had been rough on everyone in the romantic department. Belle had banished Gold with his own dagger, Robin had left for New York leaving Regina alone, and Ruby had been cheated on by Whale. The only people who's love lives hadn't  
/sucked were Emma and Mary Margaret's. However both Killian and David had gone on a fishing trip with Henry for a few days and Emma found herself feeling miserable without them. She tried to convince herself that she just missed Henry and her father  
/– and she DID miss them—but she was missing the pirate just as much if not more and that scared the hell out of her. So when her mother had suggested a girls night out Emma had jumped at the chance to get hammered and not think about how much she  
/missed Killian or what missing him that much might mean.

"I thought you and Killian were doing well?" Belle asked sympathetically after their toast.

"Wasn't talking about him." Emma said flatly, avoiding her friends gazes. Even after everything that had happened between them at times Emma still found it hard to forgive Neal for what he'd done. For so long she had seen him as the biggest

mistake of her life but now she couldn't say that because being with him had given her Henry. However despite the fact that Emma understood why he left it didn't change the fact that he had still nearly ruined her life and broken her heart. She couldn't  
/help but still feel bitter at times about it.

"Then who were you talking about Miss Swan?" Regina asked her.

"Neal." Emma replied before she could stop herself.

"Oooh I hear a juicy story coming!" Ruby laughed and Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head no.

Ruby whined "Oh come on Emma, tell us! I told you guys everything about me and Vic!"

It was true, earlier that evening Ruby had told the four other women everything that had happened between her and Whale, and with more detail than Emma had needed or wanted. Essentially Whale had proposed to Ruby last week and she had excitedly excepted.  
/Then not two days later Ruby had walked in on Whale having a three way with two of the nurses from the hospital. Whale should be thanking his lucky stars that the wolf had let him off easy with only a handful of scars and a missing chunk from his  
/right leg instead of simply eating him alive. However once Ruby had finished telling them all what had happened Emma couldn't even tell what Ruby was more upset about; the fact that the man she had loved and agreed to marry had cheated on her, or  
/the fact that he hadn't wanted her to join in on the three way, because Ruby appeared to be vehemently pissed about both.

"Please! I need something to get my mind of of it." Ruby begged again "every time I close my eye I see him humping that chicks brains out while his mouth was buried in the other girls p—"

"Alright, alright! I'll tell you just PLEASE stop talking!" Emma pleaded cutting her friend off before she could finish her sentence. Ruby immediately snapped her mouth shut and waited for Emma to start.

Emma took another large chug of her beer and then went on to tell her friends about the worst relationship and subsequent breakup of her life. How her and Neal had met by her stealing his already stolen car. How she had fallen in love with him living  
/on the run and stealing whatever they wanted as a way of getting by. How they had planned on going to Tallahassee together. Of how he had set her up and and let her go to jail for his crime. And finally of course how she had learned she was pregnant  
/and given birth to Henry while handcuffed to a hospital bed.

When she was done Emma was met with three stunned stares and her mother had wrapped her arms around her, her eyes full of tears.

"Oh Emma I'm so sorry!" She said hugging her closer "You're father and I would never have pushed so hard if we had known. Why didn't you ever say anything?" Snow asked once she pulled away.

"It was ancient history. You know been there done that. That sort of thing." Emma said trying to remain as nonchalant as she could even though recanting the story had brought back her old feelings of being abandoned. She could feel the steel

of the hand cuffs and hear her sons wails.

"Well I for one am glad that you and Killian found each other. You seem to make one another very happy." Belle said sweetly. Despite her best efforts Emma felt a rush of warmth and joy run through her at the sound of Killian's name, pushing

away all the bad memories in a single instance.

Emma felt a warm blush spread across her cheeks "Yeah, we do." She admitted looking down coyly at her drink.

"Oohh girl I know that look! You've got it bad!" Ruby squealed.

"Got what?" Emma questioned with a roll of her eyes

"Isn't it obvious!? You're totally in love with the pirate!" Ruby said excitedly.

Emma blanched at that. She was not in love with Killian Jones. Sure he was her first real boyfriend sense Neal and sure he made her happy almost all the time and sure she's missed him like crazy these past few days but that didn't mean she LOVED him.  
/They had only been together for a month for Christ sake! Besides Emma didn't do love, not after everything she'd been through. Love only got you hurt. She liked Killian, she liked him a lot, more than she had originally wanted to. That's why she had  
/pushed him away so much. However pushing him away had become utterly exhausting and so she gave into her affection for the man. She cared for him a great deal but there was a huge difference between caring for someone and being in love with

them and Emma needed to be sure to remember that. At the beginning of their relationship Emma had sat herself down and had a long talk with herself. She had decided that she would allow herself to care for him but she was not going to allow herself  
/to fall in love with the man.

However not falling head over heels in love with Killian Jones was easier said then done. Relationships always felt good when they started out. The romance, the fun learning about each other, the mind blowing sex. It was pure bliss. But it wasn't just  
/the excitement of an actual relationship that left Emma's head and heart spinning it was Killian himself. The way he seemed to perfectly blend the dastardly pirate and respectful gentleman. The way his face lit up when she walked into a room. The  
/way he kissed her. The way he treated her as an equal. The way he was with Henry. But most of all the way he made Emma feel like just being herself was enough. For the first time in her life Emma was truly happy. However being happy had always sounded  
/the alarms in Emma's head. She was constantly finding herself practically screaming to get a better grip on her emotions. If she didn't she was only going to get hurt again.

"No I'm not!" Emma said with a shake of her head.

"Honey, yes you are." Snow said with gentle excitement, reaching for Emma's hand and squeezing it. "I know that grin, I had it all over my own face when I met your father. You're in love. It's ok to admit it."

Emma just scowled at her. "Mom the first time you met dad you hit him in the face with a rock." She reminded her mother.

"Oh yeah," Snow mused like she had somehow forgotten that vital tidbit of her true love story. Ruby laughed while Regina made an amused noise. "I guess the grin must have come later. But either way that's the face of someone in love."

Emma scowled deeper and pulled her hand away. "I'm not in love ok. Yeah Hook makes me happy but I don't do love. I have no desire to cry my heart out." She said matter of factly reaching for her beer and taking taking a long sip.

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean it will end badly." Her mother said soothingly.

Emma just looked at her like she had lost her mind "Uh mom, do you even remember WHY we're all out drinking right now? Being in love never ends well." She said pointedly. At her words Belle flinched, Ruby scowled and Regina's face hardened making

Emma feel terrible for what she had just said. They were supposed to be having fun tonight, not reveling in the pain of lost loves.

"Sorry." Emma said sincerely, turning to the women. "I didn't mean it like that." She added.

"It's ok." Ruby said a bit glumly while Snow patted Belle on the knee who looked like she was close to tears. The next couple minutes were filled with an awkward silence as the five women sipped at their drinks, lost in their own swirling thoughts  
/and emotions.

It was Ruby who finally broke it. "I don't know about you but I could use a pick me up. Shots?"

"Definitely." Regina said, however Emma could tell that she was still upset.

After the women had downed their shots the mood lightened and they all went back to laughing and swapping stories. Suddenly Emma felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She had no idea who it could be. Everyone who frequently texted or called her was either  
/sitting right there or was out of town on a fishing trip, however she was delighted to see that it was a txt from Henry.

 _Where are you? - H_

 _Where are YOU? I thought you weren't going to have service until you got back tomorrow – ES_

 _I'm at the loft. We came back early, grandpa was starting to get seasick. But before that it was so much fun! – H_

 _Why aren't you or grandma home – H_

 _Glad to hear you had fun kid. We thought you boys wouldn't be here so we're having a girls night with your mom Belle and Ruby. – ES_

 _Ok cool I'm going to sleep at my moms tonight. No offense but after a couple days on that boat I want to sleep on a real bed and not an air mattress. See you tomorrow – H_

 _Ok love you. Make sure you txt Regina and let her know that you're home safe and that your staying with her – ES_

 _K. – H_

Emma let out a sigh of relief. Her boys were back, safe and sound. A smile spread across her face when she realized that with Henry staying at Regina's she could see Killian tonight. She suddenly very much wanted to leave and go find her pirate.

"Who are you thinking about?" Ruby asked slyly.

"Nothing, no one." Emma answered, quickly wiping the dopey smile she knew she was wearing off her face and downing the rest of her beer.

"Who was that?" The wolf girl continued.

"My son." Emma said defensively.

"Is everything alright? I thought he wasn't supposed to have service until they came back tomorrow." Regina said worriedly "Something I am still NOT ok with." She added.

"Apparently my dad was getting seasick so they came home early." Emma said with a shrug.

"Oh Charming…" Snow giggle.

"He just texted me asking why I wasn't at the loft and I said we were out. I told him to let you know he was home though. " Emma nodded towards Regina and as if on cue her the queens phone buzzed. "Anyway he said they're fine and that he

wants to stay with you tonight."

Regina nodded in agreement as she checked her own messages and then sent out a quick message to her son in a reply before shoving the phone back in her bag.

"Should we be getting home then?" Snow asked and Emma tried to keep the excited smile from her face at the suggestion. She wanted to see Killian. She had missed him so much these past few days and with Henry at Regina's they had the whole night

to spend together…

"No please don't go yet!" Ruby pleaded "it's not fair that y'all have guys to go home to when I don't. Besides I'm having fun!"

Emma rolled her eyes at that "Ruby if you wanted you could go home with any guy you like." She said whilst eyeing her friends tight, low cut, red dress that exposed more skin than not.

"The only way I'm going home with a man tonight is if Belle does too." Ruby said stubbornly.

"Ruby you don't have to do that." Belle said "Its very sweet but I'm just not ready yet and I don't want to keep you from having fun."

"Nope, its ladies night and I'm not about to leave a sister hanging. So you three are going to stay here and drink with me and Belle until we cant remember our own names let alone the bastards who broke our hearts." Ruby said defiantly.

Emma was about to tell Ruby 'no' that she was going to go home and she would see them all later when she heard someone behind her exclaim "See! I told you I would always find them."

Emma looked up in time to see David come around the table and kiss her mother quickly yet passionately but before she could get grossed out by the sight she felt two strong leather clad arms envelope her and she felt herself melting into them. Killian  
/was back. She was back in his arms and everything once again felt right with the world.

"That's not as impressive of a trick as you think your majesty," Killian chided as he held Emma tightly "there's only so many places in this bloody town they could've been. We were bound to find them at some point." Emma saw her father

roll his eyes but otherwise ignore her Pirates words.

Emma sighed contently, breathing in the musky smell of leather, rum and the sea that her boyfriend always had and tried not to think about how he must taste. Emma sank further into him before looking up into his face. He was smirking down at her.

"Fancy meeting you here love." He said.

"You to Captain." Emma replied playfully, "Are you perhaps here looking for that damn bar wench you once kissed, hoping to finish what you started?"

Killian held her tighter and brought his mouth to her ear "Always." He whispered, his lips brushing the outer shell of her ear making Emma shiver deliciously. He had just pressed his lips to her neck when Ruby piped up.

"No no, none of that! We're having a girls night out. No men allowed, now shoo pirate! That goes for you to David." She added with a slightly more sympathetic voice than she had had when addressing Killian.

Killian (who had started to play with Emma's hair) glanced up at the sound of her voice, looking as if he was just now realizing that there were other people sitting at the table besides Emma.

"Evening lasses." He said to them with a slight nod but before bringing his attention right back on Emma and her golden locks.

"Hey David, Killian, glad your back." Belle said fondly. Regina simply nodded at them.

"Glad to be back." Killian replied without looking at her as he spun Emma around in her seat to face him and then moving so that he was standing between her legs. His face was still lit up in a delightful smirk and he rested his hand and hook

at her hips.

"C'mon Hook let the ladies have their fun. I'll buy you a drink." David said reluctantly as he clapped the him on the shoulder.

"Yeah… I'll be there in a minute Dave." Killian said still not taking his eyes off Emma.

David huffed but gave Snow a quick kiss on the head and then headed towards the bar, clearly not wanting to be around to witness his daughter and a pirate making eyes at each other.

"Go, you heard Ruby and my dad." Emma said nudging him but there was no force to her words "get out of here pirate." She laughed and nudged him again.

"I will once I get what I came here for." He said his blue eyes boring into hers.

"Yeah and what's that?" Emma teased although she had a pretty good idea.

"This." Killian said. He suddenly surged forward and crushed his lips to hers. Kissing her passionately in a way that was probably more appropriate in the privacy of his room at Granny's then in front of Emma's friends and family but Emma couldn't  
/find it in herself to care. She wanted to blame it on the alcohol still buzzing throughout in her system but in truth it wasn't that. Killian was kissing her like he needed her to breathe and Emma had missed him so much in the short few days they  
/were parted so she kissed him back with the same amount of vigor and intensity. His hand was tangled in her hair and his Hook was at her waist pulling her towards him even as his body was pressed flush with hers.

Finally they heard an obvious cough along with a disgusted grumble and a laugh of amusement, and Killian pulled back from Emma's lips. However he continued the physical contact by resting his forehead against hers as they caught their breath. His hand  
/came down to stroke her cheek reverently.

"Missed you." He breathed out quietly, his voice full of an emotion Emma didn't want to name.

Normally Emma would crack a joke right about now. Use sarcasm to deflect and say "I never would have guessed" or something of the like, but right now she was as equally as drunk on Killian's kiss as she was on the alcohol and she heard

herself whisper "I missed you too." with far more longing and emotion than she usually allowed herself to feel let alone say aloud.

Killian's brilliant smile as he pulled away made Emma's heart sing. He nodded one more time at the others then took Emma's hand and kissed it before finally leaving to meet her father at the bar.

Emma let out a loud huff as she floated back down to earth. She took a deep breathe trying to clear her head of Killian. The way he tasted against her tongue. The way he smelled when she breathed him in. The way he touched her with such care yet

still made her burn. She took another deep breathe and turned back in her stool to see her family and friends smirking at her.

"What?" Emma asked, a little taken back by their looks.

"I knew it!" Ruby crowed out loud enough Emma was sure the entire bar could here her "You love him!"

Emma blushed scarlet, "I do not!" She hissed to her friend "and could you keep your voice down?" She hazard a look over to Killian praying he hadn't heard. When she saw him talking animatedly with one of the merry men she let out a

sigh, he obviously hadn't heard a thing.

"Seriously Emma, who do you think your kidding?!" Ruby nearly cackled with glee. "We all saw you practically hit the ceiling just now when he kissed you." Emma shook her head. She had hoped this conversation had been over but apparently

it wasn't.

"Emma you look at him like he's earth and heaven." Belle pipped in. Emma shot her a look that clearly screamed 'traitor' but the woman merely smiled sweetly at her in response.

"I'm not drunk enough for this conversation." Emma grumbled.

"I can fix that." Regina said and with a wave of her hand Emma's empty beer mug was replaced with a margarita.

"Regina!" Snow scoffed.

"What?" Regina asked all to innocently as she sipped her own martini that she had apparently pooffed herself as well. Emma also saw that she had magicked another jack and coke for Ruby as well as bloody Mary's for Snow and Belle.

"That's stealing!" Snow insisted.

"Fine." The Queen answered and with another flick of her wrist Emma saw a smile pile of bills appear on the bar across the room. "Happy?" She asked and Snow begrudgingly nodded.

Emma took a hesitant sip of her drink hoping it wasn't poisoned. She didn't think Regina would try and kill her again but one could never be to careful when it came to her. Emma was still one of the reasons Robin had left after all. If Emma hadn't brought  
/back Marion in the first place Robin wouldn't have been forced to leave in order to save her from freezing and Regina would still have been happy with him. However Emma found that not only was her drink not poisoned but it was entirely delicious.  
/She took another big sip.

"You ever think about hanging up the mayors sash and opening a bar?" She asked hoping to distract from their last topic with flattery "cuz you make one hell of a drink."

Regina rolled her eyes "if I ever stoop so low that my only lot in life is to open an establishment such as THIS" she looked around her in disdain "then please put me out of my misery." Emma laughed and took another sip of her drink.

"However we aren't talking about me right now we're talking about you, savior." Regina eyed her wickedly and Emma gulped down another sip of her margarita. Her flattery obviously hadn't worked and now she was right back to exactly where

she didn't want to be. Discussing her feelings.

"I really don't know why you are all so determined to believe that I'm in—in—" she couldn't even say the words.

"In love with Killian." Her mother finished for her. Emma grimaced.

"Right, that...but anyways I'm not. What even makes you guys think that I am anyway?" Emma asked, falling back on her old bail bonds tactics; evidence. The only evidence love left behind was a broken heart but someone couldn't exactly show you

that so she knew her friends would be stumped in forms of giving her any kind of physical proof.

"Until you can give me physical evidence I won't say I'm in love with anyone." Emma smirked knowing she had her friends trapped.

But to her surprise and dismay Ruby just snorted "Where do I even begin?" She said "You swoon." She said matter of factly

"You sigh." Belle added.

"The grin." He mother reminded her.

"That's not proof…" Emma grumbled, looking away from them and taking another sip of her drink. She was DEFINITELY not drunk enough for this.

"When will you learn that you can't keep denying who you are and how you're feeling?" Regina said somewhat exasperatedly "It was the same thing with accepting that you are the savior. Look just face it like a grown up and own up to the

fact that you've got it bad for the handless wonder." She said with a roll of her eyes and a sip of her drink.

"No I don't!" Emma insisted. "This is such a cliché you know that?" She said taking another sip of her drink.

"What is?" Belle asked her curriously.

"This," Emma gestured between the five of them. "You all sitting around trying to get me to say I'm in love with Killian. It's like a scene from a bad rom com but it's not going to play out the way you think. I will never admit to being

in love with anyone, simply because it's not true."

"If your not in love then what do you think you are?" Ruby goaded.

Emma threw her hands up in the air, frustrated. "I don't know!" She said "Having fun? Being happy? What's so wrong with that? Why does there have to be so many feelings that go along with it?" She demanded crossing her arms across

her chest.

"Oh there doesn't." Ruby quickly replied "but it's just not what you have in your case." She gave her a wolffish smirk.

Emma honest to god felt like sticking her tounge out at her friends. Why were they acting like this? It's like they were in middle school and teasing her over some crush she had. A small part of Emma that had never experienced this in her life enjoyed  
/the normal, almost right of passage like, moment she was having that she hadn't when she was younger. However a much bigger part of her was annoyed as hell at them for not just dropping the subject and getting off her case about it.

Emma's eyes began to wonder, wanting to look anywhere but at the expectant women sitting at the table before her. Her eyes caught Killian's gaze who had been staring at her in what could only be described as awe and wonderment. When he realized he had  
/been caught though he smirked and winked playfully at her, nodding his head to the rear of the establishment and raising his eyebrow in question. Emma knew what he wanted, she wanted it too, but he wasn't going to get it. Not tonight. Not with her  
/family so close by. She smiled and simply rolled her eyes and shook her head ever so slightly at him, only to laugh a little and grin even wider at his playful pout in response.

If Emma hadn't been so absorbed in her silent conversation across the bar with Killian she would have seen her friends following her gaze suspiciously and she certainly would have seen Ruby snatch Belle's phone off the table to take a picture. However  
/Emma WASN'T paying attention or really even aware at the moment that other people even existed outside of her and Killian. So when Ruby snapped the picture directly in Emma's face she was momentarily blinded.

"What the hell!?" Emma asked shaking her head back and forth trying to clear her suddenly spotty vision.

"You wanted proof you're in love, I'll show you proof." Ruby said showing Emma the picture.

Emma squinted at it still unable to see very clearly from Ruby's sudden assault to her eyeballs.

"So what it's me?" Emma asked not understanding what 'proof' Ruby was talking about.

Ruby rolled her eyes "Seriously Ems who do you think your kidding? I get that you're trying to conceal the that your in love from everyone—maybe even yourself—but you can't conceal THAT." Ruby pointed again at the picture of Emma on the phone.

Emma took a closer look at the image and with the spots in her vision finally beginning to clear she saw what Ruby must have been referring to. Was that really her? If her eyes weren't still adjusting from the flash she wouldn't have believed it.

It sure as hell looked like her. The woman had the same blonde hair, the saw nose and the same chin as Emma. She was even wearing the exact same shirt and had drank the same amount of her margarita as Emma had. But the look in her eyes was something  
/Emma had never before seen on her face. It was soft and open, no pain or walls visible in the deep green. They glinted with the tiniest bit of mischief and mirth as well as amusement but over all they had the same emotion in them that her mother did  
/whenever she looked at Emma's father. The same look Killian had every time he looked at Emma.

Love.

Love and adoration, clear as day shined from Emma's eyes in a way she had never seen herself look, not even with Neal.

And it scared the absolute shit out of her.

It scared her because this wasn't her life. She didn't get happy endings with fairytale princes (or in her case Pirates.) Something was going to happen. The other shoe was going to drop and she would be left more broken than before. In that instance Emma  
/considered running. Of breaking things off with Killian and never seeing him again. Walk away before he had the chance to break her heart. But the thought of a life without him was so painful Emma had to keep herself from collapsing onto the floor.  
/She couldn't go anywhere, not without him. So Emma did the only thing she could think of in order to save herself. She clung to her denial.

Emma quickly brushed Ruby and the phone with the picture of Emma with love in her eyes aside and took a long sip of her drink.

"No." Emma stated again, proud that her voice only shook ever so slightly. She took a deep breathe steadying herself completely. "Nope. Not a chance." She said her voice back to normal.

"Honey," Snow began, then hesitated but something in Emma's face must have convinced her to continue "you're not as hard to read as you think you are, especially when it comes to you and Hook. We can see right through your denial even if

you can't. You love him." She said gently.

"I know how you're feeling Emma." Belle said sincerely reaching across the table for Emma's hand "With everything that Rumple did at first I was afraid to love again but then I realized that I can't let fear rule my life forever.

I may not be quite ready to go and track down a new love for myself but that doesn't mean that I would walk away if one showed up on my doorstep." She said kindly.

"Basically what we're saying miss swan is that we're not buying your crap about not being in love for one second." Regina said with her usual amount of tact, lightening the mood from the emotional statements Belle and Snow had just made. "So

you may as well just give up or give in or whatever you have to do and admit it. It will just be easier for everyone in the long run." She added.

"You guys are way off base, you know that?" Emma said with a roll of her eyes. There was no way in hell she was going to admit to anything, even if what they were saying might be true. But she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of knowing

that they had gotten to her. It was a point of pride at this point.

"Well, we'll just keep pestering you about it until you finally admit to it." Ruby smirked at her.

"Not a chance." Emma said with a prideful smile.

Finally FINALLY her friends seemed to get that Emma was more than done talking about this subject for the night and they moved on to discussing how Belle was doing with getting the fairies out of the hat.

* * *

Emma could feeling herself waining. Regina had left after polishing off her third martini, claiming that she wanted to see Henry before he went to bed, leaving the other women there with their drinks.

Emma could feel herself beginning to drag as well. It had been a night of slight emotional upheaval for her and all she wanted was Killian to take her home. She searched him out once again across the now thinning bar crowed. He and David were on the farthest  
/end of the bar by the jutebox and talking with Will Scarlet of all people as well as some scantily clad woman who was eyeing Killian like she wanted to wrap him up and take him home with her. However when Killian looked up and met Emmas gaze

Emma saw the same look in his eyes he always had for her. The same look that Emma had seen in her own eyes on Belles phone.

However Killians current expression also clearly read "HELP ME!" causing Emma to laugh and shake her head at him. Torturing him was too much fun to pass up on, no matter how ready she was to head home herself. She was more than willing to sit

with her friends for a few more minutes just to make him squirm.

"Hey Belle, did you mean what you said about not turning down love if it showed up on your doorstep?" Ruby asked her friend as she also eyed Killian, David and Will.

Belle shrugged "I mean I guess but I don't see that happening anytime soon."

"Maybe maybe not. I've been talking to Will Scarlet at the diner a lot recently and he's got like a massive crush on you." Ruby said with a wolffish grin.

"Really? Me?" Belle asked blushing like a school girl and looking behind her to see Will looking at her but he blushed and turned away quickly when he realized he'd been caught.

"Yeah, you. He seems sweet but he said he didn't know if it was alright to ask you out considering…you know." Ruby shrugged as if Belle commanding her husband to leave and never return with his own Dark One dagger had been as simple as any other

break up. "But he's been glancing over at you all night. You should totally give him your number." She suggested.

"I don't know..," Belle said obviously thinking it over.

"Well decide because he's coming over now." Ruby smirked. Emma looked up to see that she was right. Will, along with her father and Killian were now headed for their way, leaving the scantily clad brunette looking rather disappointed as she

watched them leave.

The men reached the table then and her father stood beside her mother while Snow leaned her head against his shoulder. Ruby made re introductions for Will and Belle and Killian came over and wrapped his arms tightly around Emma just as he had earlier.  
/Emma didn't hesitate before sinking into them.

Killian leaned in and whispered "Its bloody bad form ignoring a drowning man Swan."

Emma smirked "I don't know what you're talking about." She said innocently.

Killian's eyes burned with lust as he leaned in again. "Oh I think you do." He said nipping at her earlobe. Emma jump ever so slightly.

"Ready to go home love?" He asked and Emma simply nodded. She was so ready.

* * *

Later that night Emma was lying awake in Killian's bed at Granny's. When they had gotten back to the room Killian had pounced on her before the door had even finished closing and Emma had had no complaints. They had had sex quite a few times in the last  
/month or so but tonight was different. Emma didn't know if it was because Killian was acting differently or if it had always been like this and she was just now noticing it. The way kissed her like her never wanted to let her go. The way he held and  
/touched her like she was a precious treasure. The way he said her name as if it were the holiest of prayers. The way he seemed to care more for her pleasure than his own, worshipping her body with his. But most of all the way he looked at her, like  
/she was the only thing in the entire world that mattered or would ever matter again. It was much more like making love than sex had any right to.

When he finally came it was with her name on his lips and immediately afterwards he had pulled her close and tucked her into his arms. Whispering sweet nothings into her hair until sleep had finally taken him.

However Emma couldn't stop the racing thoughts inside her own head. IF what the girls had been saying tonight was true-that the look in her eyes meant that she was in love with Killian Jones-then there was a chance that he loved her too because he had  
/that look in his eyes whenever he saw her. That fact alone was enough to make Emma's head spin.

Emma gently traced the lines of Killians sleeping face, careful not to wake him. He had always been gorgeous but there was something beautiful about how he looked when he was asleep. The kohl worn and washed away and the plains of his face fully relaxed.  
/He looked younger, as if he wasn't yet the man who had burdened so much pain and heartache over the years. Emma found something very intimate about watching him sleep. It was an act she hadn't ever really done with anyone else. The calm serenity on  
/his face gave her a feeling of peace as well.

Emma's phone suddenly buzzed and she reached for it, wondering who it could possibly be at this hour. She saw that it was a text from Belle.

 _I thought you might want this. – B_

Emma opened the attachment and saw that it was the picture of herself that Ruby had taken earlier. Once again Emma studied it, marveling at that undeniable look of love in her eyes. She looked back over at the sleeping pirate beside her. She again thought  
/about everything she loved about him, about how much she had missed him when ever he was gone. How utterly terrifying it had been to watch Gold hold his heart in his hands, knowing that she couldn't do a thing to stop it and how terrified she still  
/was of still somehow loosing him. She knew in her gut that she couldn't deny it anymore.

Emma loved him. She loved him with all her heart and soul. She wasn't ready to tell him (she didn't know if she would ever be ready for that) and she didn't even feel like she could say it out loud yet. However for some unthinkable reason she wanted someone  
/somewhere to know so that she didn't feel like she was being crushed under the weight of it all.

Emma looked down at her phone again, at Belles message making a decision. She hit reply she typed in a short somewhat cryptic message hoping her friend would understand that Emma desperately needed to share her secret but that she was still unable to  
/really put it into words, but it was the best she could do at the moment.

Emma sighed and she tossed her phone onto the night stand. She looked back to Killian and smiled as he reached out to hold her tighter in his sleep as she curled his chest and Emma fell asleep in the arms of the man she loved.

* * *

Across town Belle's phone buzzed quietly and Belle smiled to herself as she read Emma's text.

 _At least out loud I won't say I'm in love - ES_


End file.
